Cal and Tanner reminisce about their favorite guests: Jim Nabors, Michael Landon, and Jerry Maren. Updates on Stefan the incompetent producer, Donald Trump, and the Emmys.
Cal and Tanner reminisce about their favorite guests: Jim Nabors, Michael Landon, and Jerry Maren. Updates on Stefan the incompetent producer, Donald Trump, and the Emmys.
You are a racist.
00:03
And you're a limousine liberal.
00:04
If we met today, we would never be friends.
00:06
Who said we're friends
00:07
You
00:07
now?
00:07
date teenagers.
00:08
And you're going to die alone.
00:10
I just threw up in my mouth.
00:10
One word, my friend diarrhea,
00:12
I'm going to kill myself.
00:13
that would be a great start.
00:14
**** ***
00:15
You ****
00:15
you're
00:15
***
00:16
a rich *******
00:16
You're a bigger *******
00:19
This is the * ***** podcast. I am Cal Baxter.
00:24
And I'm Tanner Boylan.
00:26
You are Tanner boiling. How are you today? Tans tan tan.
00:29
Drunk, literally drunk. I've been sipping gin.
00:32
Let's get right into it. This is our 51st episode. We're very excited. We want to thank all of our. Listeners for listening to us for so long I don't even know how long we've been on the air, but 50 episodes I would say that's a lot.
00:46
That is a lot. I also want to thank Hendricks Gin for making this episode possible. Not a sponsor of the show, but a happy addition to the show
00:55
Hendricks
00:55
every
00:56
gin
00:56
each and every episode.
00:57
Hendricks gin is not a sponsor, but we both enjoy Hendricks Gin Hendricks
01:02
By
01:02
gin.
01:02
the way, is that your rabid dog? where, where did you get that mongrel beast? Was that a rescue?
01:07
you know how important it is for me to rescue dogs. And you know how much I hate breeders? I'm being serious. I think breeders are practically the worst thing in the world. Everyone should be getting a rescue dog, especially during these covid Times Now ask me again where do I get this dog?
01:25
Where did you get this dog
01:26
From
01:26
cow?
01:26
a breeder.
01:29
Alright, let's talk again about. The topic at hand, which is our 51st episode. We are so thankful that we've been able to really make it this far and we look forward to many episodes in the future and I thought one of the things we might want to talk about is some of our favorite and least favorite guests.
01:46
I'm going to tell you my favorite 3 past guests
01:49
Let's
01:50
I've limited.
01:50
let's
01:50
I have a lot of
01:51
let's
01:51
favourites.
01:51
see if we agree 'cause you
01:53
Can
01:53
and I
01:53
I give you the three?
01:54
well hold on you. And I talked. Yes talked yesterday and we both said let's come up with our favorite three guests. I'm curious if there's any overlap. Go ahead.
02:04
Alright number one. Jim Nabors
02:08
Well, the thing about Jim was, you know, most people don't realize this guy is an opera singer. And for our
02:15
And
02:16
guests
02:16
very
02:17
under
02:17
gay.
02:18
well, OK, there you go, there you go
02:21
That's
02:21
again.
02:21
what now I'm just saying. That's why you appreciated him because you found him to be
02:26
But
02:27
unthreatening
02:28
Well,
02:28
unthreatening.
02:29
but you know, I'm not gay
02:30
Less
02:30
and I will
02:30
threatening
02:31
say why don't you tell our listeners who are, let's say under 50? Who Jim Nabors is a lot of people don't know Jim Nabors is.
02:40
Gomer Pyle.
02:41
Gomer Pyle. Classic classic sitcom and again, if you're Google, Jim Nabors or Google Jim Nabors sings. I mean you just don't. You can't believe that voice on this guy. It's really tremendous and I have to say is a nice guy.
02:58
Very nice,
02:59
He
02:59
couldn't
02:59
was a very
03:00
have been
03:00
nice
03:00
nicer.
03:00
guy. Alright.
03:01
You want my number two
03:02
I do
03:02
favorite
03:02
want
03:03
guest?
03:03
your number. I do want your number 2.
03:05
And I know you're going to agree on this one. Michael Landon
03:08
Ah.
03:09
One
03:09
What a trip.
03:10
of my all time
03:11
What
03:11
favourites.
03:11
a treasure. Here's a guy you know, especially Steven, our producer was scared ******** to meet Michael Landon, 'cause I know he's a big Michael Landon fan and it turns
03:22
Well, Stephen
03:22
out that.
03:23
likes anything little house on the Prairie.
03:24
He does like anything little house in the Prairie, but here's a guy who you know. Again you thought would be pretentious because of his, you know, his fame. Steven was scared as hell to talk to him, but Landon was great. I mean the story. The Prairie stories. That he would tell were just remarkable. Don't you think?
03:47
I do. I didn't find him that interesting. Let's
03:50
I
03:50
be
03:50
think
03:50
honest,
03:50
I
03:50
he was
03:50
think
03:51
OK.
03:51
it's all that guy.
03:51
Nice guy.
03:52
You want to hear my number one.
03:54
I'm dying to hear your number one. All time all time we have a little drum roll. I don't think I could do a drum roll your all time favorite guest.
04:02
first my all time favorite guest of the first 50 episodes.
04:09
I know you're laughing 'cause This guy was hilarious. He was great.
04:13
I
04:13
Mr.
04:13
think I know who it's
04:14
Well,
04:14
going to be.
04:14
you probably don't. So let me just say it Mr Jerry Maren.
04:18
I have 3 words. Who the **** is that?
04:22
You remember Jerry Maren? He was.
04:25
Nope.
04:26
I don't know why I'm laughing about this, but he was. He is the last surviving. I don't know why is this so funny. Jerry Maren is A is a guy. He's an American treasure. He was the last surviving munch.
04:41
Oh, the little the little guy, the Munchkin.
04:44
Yes.
04:44
Ah, we represent the
04:47
Yes
04:48
kids.
04:48
we do.
04:49
All
04:49
We do represent them.
04:51
is any dead.
04:52
No no no no no. I
04:55
Are
04:55
think there
04:55
you
04:55
was
04:55
sure?
04:55
like a Yes we had him on like 3 months ago unless he died in the last three months.
05:01
I think he may have.
05:03
Jerry
05:04
These
05:04
Maren
05:04
slipped
05:04
was.
05:04
on a banana Peel.
05:07
Jerry Maren
05:08
He didn't have that far to fall, but
05:10
I know, but listen
05:11
anatomically,
05:11
when he when he was
05:12
you
05:13
in studio,
05:13
know.
05:13
Jerry Maren was 98, and you now will remember. You will recall the
05:19
No.
05:20
stories.
05:20
'cause I couldn't work. We had him sitting on. We had him sitting on boxes since they don't make phone books anymore.
05:24
They don't make phone books anymore. Yeah, that was uncomfortable. It was a FedEx box so at
05:29
He
05:29
least
05:29
was
05:29
it had
05:29
sitting on your
05:30
sturdy.
05:31
iPad box.
05:33
Calvin, I want to talk a little bit about what we were reluctant to talk about when Merrin was in Studio, which is that Daily Mirror article. Then you
05:40
Oh
05:40
and I read,
05:41
yeah,
05:41
Oh
05:42
yeah.
05:42
yeah, the headline is Wizard of Oz Munchkins didn't just grope Judy Garland, they were also drunks and sex mad hellraisers. Your comments.
05:54
100% after meeting him, I have no doubt that that's the truth.
05:59
But Maron didn't seem like that kind of guy.
06:02
Not when we had him here, but I could tell he just he had this look about him. You could just see.
06:09
Yeah, and we've read enough about the Munchkins that you know they they were bombed during
06:15
All
06:15
the filming
06:15
the time,
06:15
of Wizard of
06:16
all
06:16
Oz.
06:16
the
06:16
Oh
06:16
time.
06:17
God, the stories.
06:19
The craziness and something else you know when he was here. He claimed that he could read minds, but only of other little people.
06:29
Right?
06:29
He called them Munchkins.
06:31
Well,
06:31
I don't know
06:31
an
06:31
if
06:31
I
06:31
that's
06:31
don't think
06:32
the
06:32
that's
06:32
right
06:32
a politically
06:32
way to.
06:32
correct term. What he said was I could read the mind of anyone. Under 3 foot, six
06:39
That's
06:39
made
06:39
right.
06:39
no sense.
06:41
And he claimed that he could look into their past and change their future.
06:45
Yeah, made no sense but God, that guy's a good storyteller. Handsome devil
06:50
And
06:50
at 98.
06:51
an an great dancer
06:53
He's
06:54
I
06:54
a good
06:54
mean
06:54
dancer.
06:55
he's got gravity on his side. He's loaded the Earth.
06:58
That's true, but weren't you dying when he just kind of broke into song and he did that jazz and tap number in studio? Unbelievable.
07:07
That was nothing. It was the break dancing that got me when he did that head spin. I didn't know whether it was head her feet. It was just all. It all became one. He was like a top. He was just a spinning top.
07:19
A dreidel of sorts. But
07:22
A small dreidel.
07:24
9098 years old, holy ****
07:28
God love him.
07:28
What a treasure.
07:30
May God love him.
07:31
No,
07:31
Good guy. Let's move on from our favorite guest, Tanner. I
07:37
OK.
07:38
think we need to talk about Steven, our producer, I think Stephen's done a good job of. Producing this show and getting us guest over the first 50 episodes, but I think he's been very inconsistent. what's going on with Steven?
07:50
I think the problem is both of our backs or both of our backs are tired
07:54
Now.
07:55
from carrying him. That's the problem is we cover up we help and we shouldn't. We're too nice to him.
08:03
He absolutely has delusions of grandeur.
08:07
Do you think he appreciates it?
08:09
This job, no
08:11
Yeah,
08:11
no.
08:11
I don't.
08:12
Here's
08:12
I don't think he does.
08:12
here's a guy with a $250,000 wait for it communications degree, right?
08:17
Yeah. Yeah.
08:19
And you know he needed a job. It was, you know, I don't know why we hired him because nobody else would and
08:26
I mean,
08:26
I just.
08:27
he could have been in the food service industry.
08:29
Oh absolutely, he could have been a bartender. Or you could have been.
08:32
No,
08:32
He probably
08:33
that
08:33
would
08:34
requires
08:34
make it.
08:34
some thinking.
08:35
Yeah, you know he'd probably be a good a good Grubhub driver.
08:40
Or or the guy who sits there and says, do you want fries with that?
08:46
Yeah.
08:46
I think he could learn that.
08:48
That's about as much as he could do, but Steven is Steven's confused.
08:54
He's confused about everything.
08:55
I'll tell you one thing, you and Steven have in common. You both love
09:00
that.
09:00
Mr. Trump. Both you guys, did you know he was a trumper?
09:05
How could I not? He's got half
09:07
Yeah.
09:07
a brain.
09:08
Yeah, well.
09:10
You
09:10
That's
09:10
know,
09:11
about
09:11
I don't
09:11
it.
09:11
love I don't love. Everything about Trump.
09:16
Right?
09:17
I just love what he stands for.
09:19
You will not hesitate. This show is being taped on September 18th. You will not hesitate in. A couple of months less than a couple of months. To go in and press the Trump Button, turn the Trump Lever true or false.
09:38
True. Without
09:40
Yeah,
09:40
hesitation.
09:41
that's where you and I really disagree. I can't even look at him.
09:46
YY,
09:46
He's such a ******* idiot.
09:48
but
09:48
I cannot
09:48
that's
09:48
believe
09:48
that's
09:49
this guy
09:49
that's
09:49
is president.
09:49
really the question. People who. Who are anti troll? Why would you be anti trump? Don't you want to take him for his policy's, and, you know, analyze each policy, analyze everything
10:02
I
10:02
here? I
10:02
think his
10:02
agree
10:02
policies
10:03
there are some things
10:03
benefit
10:03
that he says.
10:04
people. Listen, listen, listen. I think his policies benefit people like you rich ******** right?
10:10
Yes. And
10:12
I mean, let's face it.
10:13
and what I'd call the United States of America.
10:17
Well, you know what
10:18
Do you
10:19
you know.
10:19
just want just focus on one issue? Do you think?
10:22
Uh huh.
10:24
That the whole country can survive with open borders. Let every everybody who wants in. That's my I'll ask that and then you take it from there, yes or no.
10:35
That's why no, but that's why you're a Trumper because you buy into these right wing. Q Anon conspiracy theories. I mean, you guys are nuts.
10:45
Not a conspiracy
10:46
None of
10:46
theory.
10:46
this is true.
10:48
It
10:48
Youself
10:48
is true.
10:49
ear youself ear my friend. And I call you my friend, 'cause I've known you for so long. You know, look, we're not going to go into details, but you and I went to college together. Obviously
10:58
We did.
10:59
that's a rement, but if I met you today, Tanner, and you started your spouse in your trumpisms, I don't know if we have a second conversation.
11:08
Are you still
11:08
I
11:09
dating?
11:09
love you.
11:09
Are you still dating that girl in the jazzy scooter? That's all I want to
11:15
OK,
11:15
know.
11:15
so she's a colleague. And she's beautiful in her own way. Let's put it that way.
11:24
We've gone on two dates.
11:27
I
11:27
Nothing's
11:27
just picture
11:28
happening.
11:28
again you. And her and the scooter. It's a 3 way datasets. That's your version of a 3 way.
11:36
Look, I know you're making fun of this. 'cause she has a disability. She walks with a cane, but it's not a scooter. Anne. You know, I think it's a hip issue.
11:47
What does the cane have to do with her diaper?
11:52
It's very wrong.
11:54
And I know that's wrong and I shouldn't be making fun.
11:57
Yeah, it's not speaking.
11:58
But I'm going
11:59
Speaking
11:59
there anyway
12:00
of diapers
12:00
because because
12:01
and babies,
12:01
I just
12:01
how
12:01
don't
12:01
is
12:01
see
12:01
your
12:02
how
12:02
third
12:02
the whole
12:02
wife
12:02
thing
12:02
doing
12:02
works.
12:03
being? I want to say 27 years younger than you.
12:06
There's no doubt that if you weren't a rich ******* attorney. She would never. Never give you a second thought. True
12:16
That's
12:16
or false?
12:16
why we have to keep it secret that I probably don't have nearly as much as what she thinks I have. And one day she will go to swipe that credit card. It will not go through and she will leave.
12:30
Now there's a reason. You don't have as much as you should, and that's because this is your third time around the track and you
12:39
Third
12:39
know.
12:40
time to charm.
12:40
Listen, you make fun of me. Having never been married, but you know there's a reason for that too. And I know I don't know what you started with with wife number one and who shall remain nameless like that villain and Harry Potter. What's his name? Val de more? Right,
12:55
Yeah. Now,
12:56
we
12:56
Yeah.
12:56
can't speak the name of wife number one wife #2, but obviously your assets were cut in half and then they were cut in half
13:03
Yep.
13:03
again. So you're still a rich ******* but you're not quite as rich ******** used to be.
13:08
No. Nope, and do you know why I'm asking all these questions about you and dating in the jazzy scooter?
13:14
You're jealous.
13:16
And the diaper. It's because wife #4, that's what it's going to look like
13:21
It's
13:21
for
13:21
going
13:21
me.
13:21
to look like that. I
13:22
It's
13:22
think
13:22
going
13:22
at
13:22
to
13:22
this
13:22
be
13:22
point.
13:22
me and the Scooter.
13:24
Listen at some point and you're getting there. Wife #4 is got to be the one who's just going to take care of you. As you physically deteriorate.
13:33
I'm not. I'm not going for what if this one doesn't work out, which I suspect
13:37
If this
13:37
it won't.
13:37
one doesn't workout, come on.
13:39
Yeah, yeah,
13:40
Wife #4
13:40
I
13:41
is get.
13:41
don't know you not listen. You never know
13:42
Wife
13:42
we're
13:43
#4
13:43
going to.
13:43
is
13:43
We're
13:43
going to
13:43
going
13:43
be
13:43
to
13:43
the
13:43
have
13:43
one
13:44
what
13:44
is.
13:44
do they?
13:44
Yeah wife #4 is going to be the one who wipes your *** A lot.
13:49
Yes. Yes, who loves me for me.
13:52
And I know how much fiber
13:53
And
13:54
you
13:54
you're
13:54
eat,
13:54
right,
13:54
so
13:54
who wipes
13:54
that's
13:54
my
13:55
not.
13:55
butt?
13:55
That's not a. That's not an easy job.
13:58
Don't you have a smoothie every morning? Is that true?
14:00
I do this smoothie every morning and it keeps me regular. Speaking of keeping people regular. Tanner
14:08
Yeah, you know it keeps me regular
14:10
Hold on
14:11
tequila.
14:11
Speaking of keeping bookpeople regular, I'd like to take
14:13
Yeah.
14:13
a moment to thank our friends at Meta Musil.
14:17
Now metamizole is nothing to do with this show. But I'd still
14:22
No.
14:22
like to thank our friends at Meta Musil. They keep me going.
14:26
But I'll tell you who does have something to do with this show?
14:29
Go ahead.
14:29
Dunkin' Donuts
14:31
They do.
14:32
They are delicious.
14:33
They're delicious
14:33
And.
14:34
now. They're not sponsoring us in any
14:35
I'm
14:35
way.
14:35
gonna know, but I I well they provide us with product.
14:41
They provide
14:41
That's
14:41
us with a product
14:42
yes.
14:42
that keeps us alive on the air, true?
14:44
Yes, and I'm going to be sleeping right now from my delicious Dunkin' Donuts coffee. By the way, have you tried the newest of the Dunkin' Donuts coffee, the Charlie?
14:53
Isn't there something named after some tick tock girl? Seriously.
14:57
No, the chart that Charlie it's
14:58
Oh, is
14:58
a
14:58
that what it is?
14:59
It is. Yes, it's a a ice coffee with milk and a swirl of caramel and
15:08
Now she's
15:08
you can find that at
15:09
her
15:09
your local
15:10
name is Charlie,
15:10
Dunkin'
15:10
what?
15:10
Donuts. Anna booth
15:13
Now she's you just made that up. Now she's prepubescent, so that's probably right around your zone of what you're looking for when you talk about wife #4.
15:23
Well give me give me an exact age. I mean, I suspect that's anything 30 and below.
15:29
I don't know this girl, but I think you know you're basically you. You're not going to talk to our girl. She's got to have a she's gotta be in 20s, right? I'm not going to disparage you and say you're going to go for
15:41
Most
15:41
a
15:41
20s
15:41
18
15:42
is not.
15:42
year old.
15:42
Yeah, that's not off
15:43
Yeah.
15:43
the table. I think the 20 and up.
15:48
let's move on. So
15:49
There.
15:49
Tanner, we're recording this show right after the Emmy awards. I was just curious if you got a chance to watch and your thoughts.
15:57
I watched I have 10 words Schitt's Creek.
16:01
Schitt's Creek I need
16:02
They
16:02
to watch that
16:03
want
16:03
show.
16:03
they just want everything. Just give him all the awards
16:06
It's
16:06
and let
16:06
a
16:06
everybody
16:06
small
16:06
go home.
16:07
show from Canada. Eugene Levy. I mean, I remember him from SC TV, remember that?
16:14
No.
16:17
Well,
16:18
SETV
16:18
I you know it's going to say it's before your time, but really nothing is before your time so.
16:22
**** crap TV.
16:24
Right now, see TV, a second city. It was a Canadian thing. You know, a lot of the John Candy came from SC TV. Eugene Levy. I think Harold Ramis was involved. I might
16:36
Eugene
16:36
have just made that
16:37
Levy's
16:37
up.
16:38
most classic role was American Pie.
16:41
Loved
16:41
Schitt's
16:41
him in
16:41
Creek
16:41
America.
16:41
is A is a far number 2.
16:44
And this concludes episode 51 the * ***** podcast. Tanner, how do we do?
16:51
That sucked balls. I thought
16:53
Yeah.
16:53
your sign off was bad.
16:55
I know, you know, I need like a vector where it
16:59
No
16:59
is
16:59
no. No
17:00
like a Walter
17:00
less
17:00
Cronkite
17:01
of
17:01
thing.
17:02
an. You just have to sign off. Don't say sign off, say. That's so that's it. We're headed out. I don't know where where.
17:11
OK, that's it. We're headed out. This is the Hills podcast and we'll see you next time. Bye bye.
17:18
It's clean to the point.
17:21
Usually people say you know, like our podcasts and subscribe
17:25
Now that doesn't
17:26
and
17:26
work.
17:26
blah blah
17:26
See,
17:26
blah blah
17:27
it's gotta
17:27
blah blah.
17:27
be a. You know you have to say something like no, you just have to say this. Thanks for listening to us today. It's been great having you and I'm going to say now get the **** out of our podcast.
17:39
Alright, so thanks for listening today. Episode 51 the ****** podcast. We appreciate your time.
17:45
Now get the **** out of our podcast.